In your journey to get confident and feel better about yourself after 50, you cannot be afraid to step on toes. In other words, do for yourself what no one else will do for you.
Strong women will end up ticking people off. And that’s okay.
Now, to be clear, I’m not talking about hurting folks off in the wanton, sociopathic, Fatal Attraction bunny rabbit kind of way.
What I do mean, however, is that from now on, you need to start internalizing that you matter. What you want matters. Your worth matters.
Because here’s the thing. As you recover from your divorce, rebuild your self-esteem, and learn how to set healthy boundaries, there will be many people around you – some may even be close friends or family members – who may not like that you’re voicing your opinion.
Let this be the time you stick up for yourself. And if they get angry or offended that you defend your worth, forget about them. You don’t need their toxicity anyway.
So many of us have been raised to not raise our voice. To just play nicely. To not cause a ruckus. And yeah, when you’re at a funeral or in a theater those our great guidelines.
However, that kind of social conditioning usually means that you allow other people, including your spouse, to always have their way so there wouldn’t be a conflict.
Maybe the role you had in your marriage was to always go along with his decisions – even when they didn’t serve you – because you didn’t want to fight or make him upset.
Doing that for years, however, probably made you resentful or stole your self-confidence and ability to find your own voice. And this silence may have buried the part of you that had dreams and hopes and goals that were every bit as valid as your partner’s and your children’s.
While it may not seem like it, that part of you is still alive. That part of you deserves to be heard, acknowledged, and validated.
But you have to do it yourself. It may seem intimidating, but you must speak up for yourself this year. And let people in your life know what you want.
It won’t be easy, but don’t get discouraged. At the end of the day, as you transition to being divorced and independent in your life, there is one thing that will always be true.
No one will stand up for you but you – and you are all you need.
You’ve mattered all along, although people in your life probably weren’t reminding you of that. Heck, you probably forgot to remind yourself that you mattered. But you must start internalizing this message.
Don’t be afraid to tell the people in your life – the ones who drain you, take advantage of you, and don’t appreciate you – to back up, to shape up, or to leave you in peace.
You must be your own advocate.
You must be the person in the mirror who tells you that you got this.
You must know that it’s time to put yourself first for a change.
And if you need help, ask for it!
Because at the end of the day, you have yourself. And if you do it right, that is all you need.
What steps will you take this year to stand up for yourself? What does finding your voice again look like for you? Let’s engage in a conversation!
Let’s Have a Conversation!