As our generation gets a little older, a surprising number of us are putting on our dancing shoes and getting back in the senior dating game. After all, more women over 60 are single than ever before, whether that’s due to divorce or widowhood or just never having been married in the first place.
As part of this singleton trend, more women over 60 are looking to meet men in their age group – but dating is different after 60 than it was in our younger years. Many single women over 50 are simply asking, “Where are all the older single men?”
It is a sad fact of life that men tend not to live as long as women, and as a result, many countries have significantly more women than men above the age of 65.
“On average, women live longer than men – this is true for every country in the world. This fact plays an important role in how the sex ratio changes with age through adulthood. But as we move through adulthood, we see that this ratio is lower and lower. For 50-year-olds the ratio is close to 1-to-1; for 70-year-olds there are only 89 males per 100 females; and in the very oldest age bracket (100-year-olds) there are only 25 men per 100 women.” —Our World in Data
Many women have been hurt or disappointed by relationships in their lives and are a little afraid to actively participate in looking for love. However, if you really want to find someone special, you have to make an effort – you really have to want to find a quality relationship!
Check out this interview I did for the Sixty and Me Show with dating coach Lisa Copeland. We discuss what is different about dating after 60 and how men and women our age often want different things from life, having different emotional needs and in many ways speaking a “different language.”
You might need to re-learn how to flirt with men, how to make a man feel good about himself, and how to present your most confident and alluring self in the dating world.
Lisa reinforces that dating is a numbers game. You really cannot give up after just a few dates, that you have to relax, meet lots of guys, and enjoy the process. It is meant to be fun!
This doesn’t mean you have to feel pressure! Senior dating should be fun, not stressful. The stakes of dating are not as high at this part of our life.
We’re not necessarily trying to find someone to marry and live with for decades. Many of us are looking for a companion or a friend or even a no-strings-attached lover.
Fortunately, in some ways, there has never been a better time for women over 60 to be in the dating world. The rise of divorce among “silver splitters” means there are more single older men – and there might be more great guys out there than you might expect at first glance, especially if you give them a chance.
It might help to know what men say they are looking for in a woman. Both dating coaches I have interviewed agree with this assessment. As we get older, the things we want out of life often change, and we have less time to play games and be superficial – this is a good thing!
But it still helps to know about the emotional languages and occasional disconnects that come up between older men and women. Here is some advice on what you can do to be interesting to older men:
Take Pride in Your Appearance
This doesn’t mean you need to look “20 years old.” It just means that men should find something alluring about you.
Take Good Care of Yourself
Of course, you might not be the same size and weight that you were when you were 30 years younger, but if you eat well and get regular exercise, it shows. Unsure where to start with exercise? Why not try Pilates.
Women who make themselves approachable by smiling and appearing to have a friendly and enthusiastic personality are much more attractive to older men.
Make Him Feel Like a Man
Don’t expect older men to be “women in men’s clothing.” Men our age often have a preoccupation with their own interests and masculinity.
Don’t Play Games
Honesty and respect is important, with no drama and no games.
Don’t Be Too Serious
Try to relax and seek out companionship based on shared values and common interests. Older men tend to prefer women with a good sense of humor. If you’ve got one, use it.
Trying to fit a mold or to fit the standards of what men want in a woman can get exhausting. Men will sense that you are not being true to yourself when you go on a date. They may get a sense of falseness about you and that can be a turn off.
Don’t boast and try to sell yourself on a first date either – it isn’t an interview. Let your natural personality shine because that is when we are the most beautiful… when we are being true to ourselves and to the world.
Leave Your Baggage Behind
We know everyone’s got baggage at our age. We all have exes (maybe a few), possibly some children, and lots of experiences that shape our views.
Bringing up your ex and your past relationships too much can make you look resentful. This being said, don’t hide anything or keep your past a mystery either. Also, men may feel like they are being compared to your ex.
Know What You Want
If you’re getting ready to start dating after 50, be sure you know what you want from a man – what makes him “special”?
Also, give some thought to your non-negotiable “deal breakers” – the things that absolutely make you not want to date a man – but ask yourself how many of these things are truly non-negotiable, and which things are really not that important.
Try not to set too many conditions on a new relationship and be open-minded about what you might consider the “ideal” man or perfect relationship.
What are your thoughts on senior dating? Have you had any luck with dating after 50? What tips would you like to share with the other women in our community? Please add your thoughts in the comments section below.