Searching for love is never easy, even in the best of times. This past year, however, may have been the worst of times. Quarantine left so many of us isolated that it’s not surprising to hear rates of anxiety and depression have soared.
On the other hand, the pandemic gave us an unexpected gift: time to think (ok, for some of us, maybe too much time). It gave us enough of a pause that we could take out our microscopes and get down to some much-needed self-examination. It enabled us to question what is really important, what we are grateful for, and who and what we really love.
For many, the pandemic pause created an opportunity to seize the day and drive personal change. It became a springboard for self-growth and change. The uncertainty and loneliness forced some of us to realize that we need the right partner to share life with, and that we need to act now.
So, like primordial beings crawling out from under that pandemic rock, we’re ready for rebirth. We may want to change things up and re-evaluate the interactions between our work and life and all the relationships in between.
And as a dating expert, I can’t help but encourage my clients to use this time to re-evaluate their dating preconceptions. I’m challenging them to step out of their comfort zone, daring them to actually meet someone different in this “new normal.”
And it’s not just me. A survey of about 5,000 dating-app users conducted by Match.com between July and August 2020 reveals that 59 percent of daters are considering a wider range of people as potential partners, and that 55 percent are fast-tracking new relationships when they wouldn’t have pre-COVID.
Likewise, I recently encouraged a 50-year-old female client of mine to try something “new.” She is a marketing executive and normally dates corporate professionals. During one of our coaching calls, we talked about a drummer in a ’90s rock band she had seen on one of the dating apps. Sensing her interest in this “bad boy,” I encouraged her to try that walk on the wild side.
“How often do you get the opportunity to date someone from another professional planet?” I asked her. With some more encouragement, she reached out to the drummer. After several dates, she couldn’t wait to get back to me and report that she’s having the time of her life with him.
A general rule of thumb with online dating is the 50-50 rule. As you peruse online daters’ profiles, give them a 50-50 shot. He may be an inch shorter than you’d like, live 10 miles further than your usual scope of geographic interest, or be approaching baldness.
Read his profile in depth. Look at all his photos and comments. If you find yourself sitting on the fence (50-50), take a leap of faith and go for it.
What does that mean? It’s not just sending a like or a heart! Write back to this candidate in a five-sentence format such as “Hi Jack! Enjoyed the photos of you horseback riding and your horse, Moxy. I rode when I was younger and now I have the urge to ride again. How often do you ride? Warmly, Anna.”
So, what exactly did we accomplish here? A personalized response, a genuine connection by using his name, referencing something in his profile, sharing a tiny bit of info about you, and closing with your name. Obviously, this was not a copy-and-paste response! You showed authentic interest.
Last, I encourage my clients to do this fun homework on a nightly basis. You work hard at your job, yes? You devote several hours per week to working out, yes? Dating online is no different! As you approach a new dating app, you need to invest 20-30 minutes every day to searching for good matches.
My advice is to reach out in the above five-sentence format to five men each evening for four straight nights. That should put you in the “dating groove”! Will you get 20 responses? No – but you will be proactively controlling your love life and not leaving it to serendipity!
Plus, you will most likely be surprised by the responses that come back. And there’s also more from the men who will have actively searched you out. It’s not magic, but it is a numbers game!
With 60 percent of my clients now dating someone they met online using a strategic approach, that’s a lot of love! To see how you are faring with online dating, take this simple Online Dating Quiz to rate yourself. And as an added bonus in June, we have 20% off our most popular program – so get on board!
We don’t have to settle for the way our lives were before Covid-19 changed everything. If you want meaningful love, or even just a fun “hot lady summer,” it’s time to go out and grab that adventure!
What kind of guys have you been looking for on online dating sites? What results have you seen? Do you think you can modify your search a little and date a different type of man? Are you ready to try the four-night exercise?
Let’s Have a Conversation!